Late

Since I accepted that a spontaneous pregnancy is probably never going to happen for us, I don't obsess about the length between my periods quite as much. I still note it down in my diary, but if it's a couple of days late, I just accept that it's going to come at some point.

However, this month has given me reason to think differently. As the 28 days approached, I did the sensible thing and wore appropriate underwear and carried around the necessary bits and bobs in case it made an appearance. Day 30 came and went, I carried on as before. 32, 33 and 34 days went by and I had to pack to go away with work, so I packed tampons and pads and painkillers for the migraines which always accompany my period.

While away, days 35, 36 and 37 passed and I started to think that this was a lot later than it had ever been before. I kept checking my diary, but yes, I had got the dates right, I was 9 days late, 10 if you compared it to the last cycle which was 27 days.

On day 38 I woke up with the most horrendous pain in my uterus-type-area. I was terrified. I got up and had a bath which soothed the pain somewhat, but it was definitely still there. I was panicking at this point because I hadn't let myself believe that I could be pregnant, but now, here I was, period 10 days late and me, in the bath in a hotel room, alone, expecting at any time to lose a baby.

The pain subsided over the morning and no bleeding happened. My poor husband was worried about me, which was so horrible as we were such distance apart. Luckily I was returning home that night. I think by this time, the late period, combined with the earlier scare had convinced us both that I must be pregnant.

Day 11 has come around and this morning I woke up and went to do a test. I've come to hate these things. When I was young I used to will them to be negative. Now I so desperately want to see that line and I'll stare at them for ages, in the hope it will appear. After doing so many negative tests though, I just don't see it happening. So today, I peed on the stick and I waited, and lo and behold, it was negative. I cried. A lot.

Here I sit then, 39 days since my last period, 11 days late by normal people. I'm not pregnant, so what is wrong with me? I've done my research and it suggests that being overweight can cause a missed period. I'd buy that, I have gained weight, but I've been heavier than this before and never had my periods affected. Stress can also do it and I have been stressed, about the whole baby thing, and about work, but no more than usual. Certainly not to the point of affecting my cycle, surely. Another suggestion is a break in routine. I have been travelling a lot for work and staying away for four days at a time. It's not felt like it's been something that has affected me that much, but I suppose when you put together the weight gain, the stress and the break in routine, you have a probable cause.

I might go and see my doctor just to get checked out, but I imagine he'll just say that I need to lose weight. Once again, the whole baby saga has left me with a crushing sense of disappointment.