My husband really isn't interested in adopting because he doesn't like the idea of raising someone else's flesh and blood. I always saw it as a last resort, and while I like the idea of having a child that would be unwanted elsewhere and giving them a much better home, I'm not sure whether I'd be able to do it in reality.
Seeing as nothing seems to be happening with finding the funds for IVF, I decided to look into adoption a little more, just out of interest. In this country, there is a very long process before you get approved, and then you have to wait until they match you with a child. They don't allow inter-cultural adoption, so you might have to wait for years. There are obviously more older children than there are babies, so you would also have to wait ages for a baby to come along. If you get over all these obstacles and finally get a child, their birth family are encouraged to keep in touch with them.
All of this reinforces my view that adoption isn't for us. We want a child that will be ours and ours alone. Having strangers be part of our child's life would be very difficult to manage. What if they didn't like the way we did things? Would they interfere? I know it's great that the adopted children can always know where they came from, but what if they don't want to? What if it serves as a constant reminder to them of being unwanted? I just couldn't do it.
So I decided to look at adopting from abroad. I've always sat and watched those TV appeals for money to help AIDS orphans in Africa, sobbing and wanting to do more. Adopting a child who had been orphaned because of this awful disease would be the ultimate way to help, surely? Or all those abandoned little girls from China who are dumped by their families just because their culture values male life over female. I felt that this was perhaps something I would be able to do.
Again, it's a lengthy process, but it's also costly. So we come back to our original problem of not having enough money. It seems that if you have fertility problems and want a child, no matter how you plan to go about doing so, you need to have plenty of cash at the ready.
I've certainly learned that someone who has adopted a child has jumped through so many hoops and that child is so very wanted by them. I really admire someone who has the patience to go through it all, but it's not for me.
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I don't think I've mentioned it before, as it didn't seem relevant, but we are friends with a couple who have recently adopted a little boy. I think he was about 8 months old when they got him. They have had a tremendously positive experience (although parts of the process have been hard for them, understandably). He is a delightful little boy and they are thinking about adopting a brother or sister for him soon.
ReplyDeleteIf you want I can put you in touch with her. It might give you a better insight. I think they'd had unsuccessful IVF attempts before finally considering adoption. Let me know if you think it would be useful x
Having experienced adoption as the older sibling of an adopted child (I am the biological child of both parents), I firmly believe that anyone considering adoption needs to fully embrace the process and the future needs/wishes of the child, including contact with their birth family (hard as this may be). While you're right to look into it (as I certainly have in the past) if you are feeling in any way uncomfortable with the process and what comes later, I think you are right to say it's not right for you. The very best of luck with everything x
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