Background

I thought IVF was out of the question. I thought that if the time ever came that we couldn't have kids, we'd adopt. After all, there are so many kids out there who need a home. And if it doesn't happen naturally, who am I to argue with nature? At least this was how I thought until I discovered that if my husband and I want children, we need to have IVF.

The idea of adopting a child is wonderful. I know that there are so many unwanted children out there who need the love that we could provide, but I wouldn't be able to look at them and see one of my husband's facial expressions or my slightly wonky legs. I want a child that is the product of him and me, so I can know what the combination of our DNA looks like.

I already have a son from a previous relationship. My husband is his dad as far as he is concerned. He knows there is someone out there who helped to create him, but as he's no longer in the picture, he only thinks of my husband as dad. Likewise, my husband loves my son like his own child. He's raised him, loved him, taught him, told him off, teased him and all the other things that a dad is supposed to do. We always knew we wanted more children though, so that we had a product of our life together.

Circumstance has so far prevented that in the 8 years we've been together. Firstly there was university, then finding a job, then getting married, then buying a house and eventually, after all that time had elapsed, infertility reared its ugly head.

This is the story of our IVF endeavours. I wish I knew how it ended, but as I write, we are about to embark on the start of what I know could be long and painful journey to find the pot of gold at the end of our rainbow.